never fear. I know what to do.
Buy this. note that this should have come with the "mono" version of this softbox. However there is a cheaper version of this softbox that does not come with this little thing.
http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/1780...rm_for_28_.htmland this.
http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/6276..._Plate_for.htmlit should mount like this.

notice the light is pointing directly up into the box. The velco, or zippers are then supposed to close around it. Slip the mounting arm through the umbrella adapter on the monolight. Then slide the softbox umbrella shaft into the other side.
I have actually never done this myself, I researched the difference between the two softboxes online before buying.
If you are just trying to use a hotshoe flash then do this.
"inflate umbrella"
open zippers
slide lightstand with umbrella bracket through the zippers.
insert the umbrella shaft into the umbrella port on the bracket. This can sometimes be difficult. I often change the angle of the bracket to accomodate it.
Attach flash/pocket wizard.
Set flash power and aim head at back wall.
close the front diffusion panel.
There you go.