We've had a rough couple weeks including a senior open house that bombed and some other business setbacks but I had to laugh at this little thing tonight.

We had a sales meeting for a prom/family session (the session was for a girl's prom portraits but the family showed up wanting family portraits AND business headshots for their website too - anyway). The girl was gorgeous and I got to try out some new backgrounds with her outfit and such. Her mom is a nice looking lady but is CONVINCED she takes bad photographs. For starters, she looked at the photos and started ranting at her daughter that she HATED her outfit - "why had she (daughter) told her to wear it?" Then she went into her smile/lack of smile/wrinkles, etc. She doesn't like to smile a REAL smile because it shows her wrinkles but if she tries NOT to smile then it doesn't look REAL. Etc. Etc. She liked everyone else in the photographs but hated herself in ALL of them - well, then we turned some to B&W (which IS more forgiving on older people) and then she sort of thought she looked ok but still . . .

What's hilarious is not only does she not look that bad (I would like to look as good and she's almost twice my age) but seriously I had even done a little "softening" and such to make her look a little more glamorous as I could tell during the session she was a little obsessive about her looks (she did her hair 5 times during the 30 minutes we did the family/business shots - she has short hair that really doesn't move).
Now hey, I get the "I hate how I look in most photos" but these 45+ ladies seem REALLY sensitive and I'm wondering how to let them see themselves as beautiful. I'm learning to not take it personally but I also need to communicate that I can't make you look like Angelina Jolie or some other movie star. I mean I can airbrush/liquify/soften until you look like a wax barbie doll and make it look presentable but I don't know that it would completely solve this issue.

I did think of a new service we could provide for our clients "photo doubles" where we find a model that looks somewhat similar but obviously BETTER than they do and use them in the family photo. It seems that defeats the purpose but still . . . maybe they would like how they look better if it wasn't them.

On another side note, what kind of CRAP are we drilling into women's (and men's to a lesser degree) heads that they have to age without wrinkles or stay as slim as when they were 17 (without the zits though) and look like a supermodel (who has been airbrushed/softened/thinned/etc).

I'd love suggestions on building these women's (45+) self esteem - and maybe mine too - since I can relate (I'd like to be 40 pounds lighter like I was in college, less wrinkles and flaky skin without glasses . . .)

Our business premise is we believe EVERYONE is beautiful because beauty is defined (or should be) by the ones we love and love us - but in the real world not everyone buys that.

Ok - done with my rant. Have a great evening.

we are only capable of so much. i think our work brings out the honesty in people, if you know what i mean.

if they arent ready to see it, they wont see it, regardless.

Right on Tami!

(your sloganizer is awesome tonight btw)

My Mother in Law is one of those women. I've learned over the years that there is NOTHING I can do to make her feel better about how she looks... once I even tried fading wrinkles and using liquify... she still hates how she looks. I've talked till I'm blue in the face about being happy, relaxed and confident and it'll shine through... I don't bother anymore. She plans to walk around at my sister in law's wedding in a barbie doll pose - always turned 45 degrees from any camera with a fake smile plastered on her face. Yeah, good luck with that. I honestly think that there are those that can let go and those that simply cannot.

Ughh, I'm sorry you had to deal with that during a tough week!

I received some great advice from a retired pro. His sales presentations were projected, and when he had group sessions, his house rule was that everyone could comment on the photo, but they couldn't comment on how THEY (themselves) looked.

It works for me!

My mother-in-law is like this too:). What disturbs me most is that this seems so common - I wonder what we are perpetuating to make us weird out over seeing a photo of ourselves. I remember at 10 years old bringing a photo album to my mom crying because we were so cute when we were little (5 - 8 years old) and I wanted to know why I had gotten so ugly. So I understand the psychology is an uphill battle.

It's strange because this particular lady is pretty nice looking, in good shape, good skin, etc.

I'm learning to get thicker skin and be adaptable (for the business side of things). I love getting to know people and taking their photographs but it's hard to get inside their heads and know what their MENTAL projection is of themselves. I don't know that I ever can fully bridge the gap between what someone thinks they look like and what they do. I probably invest too much emotional energy into my clients - I just want them to feel beautiful.

But I think you are all right - we can only do so much. It was sort of tough to take after a string of other disappointments and family issues.

The nice thing is I have this great family and hilarious children that can put it all back into perspective for me - by playing baseball in the living room:) and performing a "movie" for my husband and I (various scenes from Star Wars) last evening.

Life is good - albeit challenging;).

Amanda:

This won't always work, but it sometimes does...

Flip her pictures from left to right. Do that to a few, and see if she prefers them at all.

We're used to seeing ourselves in mirrors, and not how others see us.


Eric

Just agree with her
"Ya, I know but I did the best I could with what I had to work with." Just joking.

It's tough. Some people just never like pictures of themselves.

Remember the #1 rule of business is that the client is never wrong!

possibly fishing for compliments?

^this is quite possible.

i had someone like this recently, too. SUPER skinny, perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect smile, etc etc etc. why are the beautiful people always the most critical of themselves? GAH. makes me sick.

getting to know this person better, i realized that she was the kind of person that needs LOTS of affirmation. far beyond normal human "needs."

so, anyway. i think you may be onto something here. (^)

My mom is like this, and I've had a couple clients like this.

I always say, very firmly, "you look beautiful. Stop being mean to yourself."

The last client I had like this hated the way she photographed, but when she got her prints, she thanked me for making her look good.