anybody know how to attach a reflector to a reflector holder or an arm that sits on a light stand. am I only supposed to use the loop that is attached to the reflector and hang it on the reflector holder?

You should have 3 pieces, well, mine does. A lightstand, an arm, and a reflector. The arm should have some little clamps on each end that clamps to the outside of your reflector.

I own (can't say that I use it that much) one of these -- or something like it. B&H also sells kits with the reflector included (which will save money over buying the two items separately, FWIW).