I was finishing up the audio book Never Eat Alone last night and Keith Ferrazzi made some interesting points about how to approach a potential mentor for help, information, etc. I think this is incredibly applicable in light of the conversation about the photographer approaching Becker, as well as the debate about how much to help the "newbies." This quote also touches on part of our Chicago Partner Con presentation and the issue of how to make connections on a national scale.

Here's a chunk of it:


"...two crucial components that made my mentorship with Pat...successful. He offered his guidance because, for one, I promised something in return. I worked nonstop in an effort to use the knowledge he was imparting to make him, and his firm, more successful. And two, we created a situation that went beyond utility. Pat liked me and became emotionally invested in my advancement. He cared about me. That's the key to a successful mentorship. A successful mentoring relationship needs equal parts utility and emotion. You can't simply ask somebody to be personally invested in you. There has to be some reciprocity involved - whether its hard work or loyalty that you give in return - that gets someone to invest in you in the first place....

"The best way to approach utility is to give help first, and not ask for it. If there is someone whose knowledge you need, find a way to be of use to that person. Consider their needs and how you can assist them. If you can't help them specifically, perhaps you can contribute to their charity, company, or community. You have to be prepared to give back to your mentors and have them know that from the outset."

Bump.

Interesting thoughts Nathan! Seems that the first step would have to be attending some of these events where one could shake hands and introduce one's self to some of these people. It would take establishing a basic relationship of some type before trying to establish a mentoring relationship.

It think as much as one would like to give away time just to "help someone out", it seems unreasonable to me that given the real world limits of time and money that one has to do this kind of stuff, that the one doing the seeking would indeed have to "ante up" and not expect to get something for nothing. And I think to some degree, this is the draw of the 2-4 day intensive workshops. It costs money, but you are getting the mentoring (for a price) but you are also establishing a relationship for the future.

Definitely something to think about for everyday life. Thanks for posting this Nathan.

That's sounds exactly like it came out of "The Little Black Book of Connections" that a particular good friend of mine gave to me. Good stuff, Nathan. So... how can I help you?

And building relationships with the people you're workshopping with. The Mike Colon 4 Day Intensive last year was a prime example of that for about 15 people off of OSP.

Exactly!

Excellent quote Nathan! Thanks for sharing

good post, and i can totally relate. when i first started out i called and emailed every professional photographer within about 100 miles for lunch, meetings, internships, anything i could find. more than half never even returned anything back, or cared (which was fine of course), but some took the time. some just kinda threw me a bone while others generally tried to help. now that the roles are reversed for me, i can see that the role of how much we mentor has more to do with the person looking for help than it does the person giving the help.

the more i took in what my mentor taught me, the more i did what he suggested, the more i studied, photographed, and aggresively pursued the more he wanted to offer. it was almost like the more i put in, the more i got out sorry, i couldnt resist! its so freakin true though!!!

anyway, we all often get asked for help. ill be happy to do it in the right situation and really take someone under my wing... but as with human nature i think we all want it to be both ways. if the person wants us to give to them they better be willing to accept, advance, and get better.

at least that's what i took from the quotes nathan that might have totally been different than what it was meant for... but either way i connected with it. we can expect people to open up and give unless we give something back. taking knowledge, advice, and time without using them or giving them back means dont expect any in the future.

of course ive always felt the more aggressive people in life are always the ones who finish first.